Category Archives: Random Thoughts by Serious Moonlight
I am seriously concerned about rumours of a book to be published this month about the life and loves of Carla Bruni-Sarkozy. The work is supposed to be by someone called Besma Lahouri – a crude and obvious nom-de-plume. Security around the book is tight and the Paris publishers, Flammarion, have not even disclosed its title.
“It’s a robust, anything-goes book which contains explosive revelations about everything from Carla’s relationship with secret lovers to plastic surgeons,” said a publishing source.
Naturally on hearing this I immediately contacted my lawyers and instructed them to take urgent steps to ensure that any mention of me in the book was to be blocked.
I am obviously most anxious that no scandalous story purporting to give lurid details of any supposed relationship between myself and Carla Bruni should emerge in the press, especially in view of the serious damage such wicked lies and fabrications might do to my England football career.
Anyway, my own memoirs will reveal the whole true story in due course.
It is well known that Professor Moonlight is sceptical about any scientific theory until it is proven (to his satisfaction) by authoritative, disciplined, documented and peer-reviewed, repeatable experiment.
He read in a magazine the other day that divers are unable to pass wind when submerged in water at any depth below 31 feet (9.4m). Naturally he was immediately suspicious that this was a typical journalist’s “fact” – in other words a rumour or unsubstantiated supposition, overheard in a pub, totally unresearched and reported as if factual.
Despite much research and enquiry, Prof Moonlight was not able to find any recorded scientific proof that the limit of 31ft was correct. He naturally wanted to put the statement to the test of rigorous scientific analysis and experimental proof, but he soon ran into a number of problems.
First, he doesn’t know anyone with a 32 foot deep swimming pool where he could conduct the necessary experimental research. Secondly, though he has a number of contacts in government, industry and the scientific world who can usually provide funding for original research of this type, it would seem that the financial crisis has made development investment hard to come by. So far no funds have been offered. Third, no member of the Moonlight family has ever submerged themselves in water deeper than they could comfortably paddle in (with the exception of Great Great Uncle Jasper Moonlight who was a musician on the Titanic)
Unfortunately the greatest obstacle to the professor’s work has been the attitude of the United Nations where a committee of 75 underdeveloped nations has already decreed that 31 feet is to be the exact limit of man-made gas emission for the next hundred years. They claim their coral reefs have been irretreivably damaged by fat gassy divers from Western industrialised nations and that they should be recompensed at the rate of 1 billion dollars per foot depth per reef per year. France must pay double this rate, as it was Jacques Cousteau who invented this reef destroying sport. Further discussion of the matter has been banned and dissenting scientists all over the world have been effectively gagged.
Of course, the professor has not given up. He’s been experimenting without funding as best he can. Working at normal atmospheric pressure and at various submerged depths, he hasn’t yet been able to get beyond blowing a few unconvincing bubbles from a depth of 9 inches (23 cm), which is about as deep a bath as the hot water cylinder at Moonlight Towers can provide.
For the moment, with progress temporarily halted, Professor Moonlight is keeping an open mind and trying to calculate the critical depth by mathematical means.
At the Manoir du Moonlight the heating oil situation is giving cause for concern. The winter has been so prolonged, with temperatures rarely above +50C and often below freezing that unless the weather warms up soon our private heating oil well might run dry sometime before May.
The long cold winter has left Professor Moonlight in some confusion. He is not a believer in man-made global warming. Indeed he is convinced we’re in for a period of 20 or 30 years of gradual cooling, so he is not surprised by this long cold winter, but he is now torn between feelings of smug satisfaction that nature seems to be bearing out his forecast, and the icy fear that in the near future he may be proved all too correct!
The Professor is now looking into the possibility of moving to North Africa which he reckons will soon be empty, as its current inhabitants all seem to want to move to Britain.
1) By what title is Marie Josèphe Rose de Beauharnais better known?
2) Who killed Marat?
3) What was the name of the pilot of the aircraft that landed at Le Bourget airfield, Paris, at 22h22 (10.22 pm) on May 20th 1927? (Bonus point for the name of the aircraft)
Mr Brown frequently has meetings with senior army personnel to make sure they lack no essential equipment.
Have you noticed how the warmists are rapidly backing away from their former positions of absolute certainty that man-made global warming was being caused by our carbon dioxide emissions alone?
Now suddenly we are hearing the warmers announcing that “climate change” is probably happening, and that even if it’s not actually getting warmer we ought to cut down on our carbon emissions for other very good reasons, anyway because their continued use could pose some sort of unspecified long term danger to life on Earth.
Isn’t that what we doubters have been saying all along? So, after telling us we were idiots and flat-earthers for so long, some of the warmists are now trying to hijack our moderate and considered position, and tell us that’s what they really meant from the start.
This morning on BBC Breakfast, even the woman who apparently devised the Global Carbon Credit Exchange system, by which people like Al Gore and Robert Mugabe are hoping to get fabulously rich,(but which doesn’t actaully reduce carbon fuel usage) would not state categorically that there was any global warming, man-made or otherwise. But she did say that if we didn’t cut down on carbon fuels the Gulf Stream could reverse and put Britain under a sheet of ice. The warming scare suddenly became, without a hint of a blush, the global freezing scare!
It would be hysterically funny if not for the fact that Gordon Brown’s incompetent gang have fallen hook, line and sinker for the myth and have already paid out hundreds of millions of taxpayers money in the carbon credits scam.
Floreal, Prairial, Messidor…. What comes next?
3/3/2010 correct answer received from Siggie
5/3/2010 correct answer received from Gee Greville. Thanks for your comments, Gee. I’ve had to hide them otherwise it would give the answer away!